A friend of mine posted this quote on FaceBook, and it really struck me. It put words to a force I have been feeling lately. In my life long effort to be thin, I am finally learning that I have to say goodbye to the fat girl image I have of myself. My body carries the weight of these negative feelings, thoughts, and actions.
I have been reading a book called A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson. I adore her writing and she has been a conduit for a healthy percentage of my spiritual growth over the years. I was excited to see a book that took on weight loss from a spiritual perspective. Hell, I've tried everything else! Why not see if a Higher Power could help me out. Reading this book has been a life changing experience for me. It is happening, slowly and softly, day by day, that I am changing the way I feel about eating, weight loss, my dysfunctional and abusive relationship with food, and what I say to myself when I look in the mirror.
A Course in Weight Loss is made up of lessons and assignments geared to help you take a real look into yourself and find where the eating problem started in the first place. The one assignment that has been so helpful and revealing is one that asks Fat You to write a letter to Thin You. Fat me has to explain to Thin Me why I have been mistreating her, putting her down, and protecting her from pain by building a fat wall, all these years. The next part of the assignment is to have Thin Me write a letter back to Fat Me. Thin Me let Fat Me have it! In the process of this experience, I learned and realized so many things about myself and my past. I learned there were alot of sad reasons for my binge eating, that I have been much harder on myself than I wound ever be on someone else, and that the thin person I have always wanted to be is already there.
In the process of forgiveness, realizing that this task is bigger than I have been able to handle alone, slowly stopping all the negative speak in my head, and making healthier choices, I am healing myself, instead of dieting. Not to say there isn't some discipline I need to implement, like making not eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream every time I have a bad day, and getting my body active! But it's slowly soaking in that small changed will lead to bigger ones. As Thin Me asked of Fat Me, "You rest. Let me take charge for a while and see what happens."
We must die to one life before we can enter another. I look forward to my new life as Thin Me.
http://www.amazon.com/Course-Weight-Loss-Spiritual-Surrendering/dp/1401921523
Wishing you the best on your metamorphosis.
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